Magic Community

If you get paired against me, this is who will come to the table.

Hello fellow Magic players,

This isn't directly related to Ali Aintrazi sexually harassing a Magic player but rather it is a culmination of feelings that ended up somewhere deep inside me after 21 years or so of playing Magic. Lately I read many articles with similar scenarios that did not involve pro players or popular players and it hurts me even more knowing that something like this happens elsewhere in the world as well. I always thought that the local players here were an exception and that in other countries, behavior like this is not accepted and players are punished for it. I do not want to judge if banning Ali from the site or anything else was just, but I'd like to share this. All I want from you is to read it and think a bit about it.

I'd like to talk a bit about why I ended up playing on Magic Online. It was more of an act of desperation than a deliberate decision. I wanted to play Magic but I couldn't do so comfortably the environment I played in. Sometimes I came to a tournament, paid the entry fee and played in the tourney. But sometimes I had to drop. Not because my record would be bad but because people made me feel bad. I have dropped from an event with a 3-1 record. I have even dropped before Round 1 started (it was sealed deck). Sometime later I started conceding to those offending people. Two weeks later seeing a higher number of such people I would concede to I decided to just turn around and leave. That is the moment when I tried to figure out what my Magic Online password is and start playing both constructed and limited on Magic Online.

Note: I actually tried to talk to the TO and judges about this. But the TO just says it is normal and he wants his customers. He can't just tell 60% of the players to just stop going to his store. As for the Judge I talked to he just let it go, but I did not expect any action from him in the first place.

The reason why I started playing online is that I was often discriminated against. I was a target of racism and sexism and even though everything changed considerably for the better I just had enough of it. I can't stand that anymore.

Since my childhood I faced discrimination. I was being beaten almost every day, spat at, people were throwing rocks at me, insulted me in many ways. There was no one to protect me, no one to help me, no one to stand by me.

After reading all this you might ask why I never took action. I will try to answer this later. Now just read.

I retreated to the gaming community and ended up in the Magic community – a community of misfits and outcasts. All of these people had probably experienced something similar like me with the exception that they were hated for different reasons than me. They somehow couldn't be part of 'normal' society. We all shared that. Often Magic players were looked down upon for this reason.

I thought that in this kind of community, one that came together because of being outcasts for different reasons I could actually be accepted. Unfortunately all the prejudices ordinary people had against me were common in the Magic community too. It was actually even worse from time to time and it had several stages.

Me being young and naive (I already understood that not being white, being intelligent and being a girl is a problem for many, but at that time I had no idea how far this could actually go) I wanted to play a game I loved and looked for games. No one wanted to play with me. I wasn't surprised. I was young, inexperienced, a foreigner, a girl etc. Who would want to play with someone like that?

For that reason I decided to start participating in tournaments because people would be 'forced' to play against me. That's when a new age started. I wasn't ignored, turned down, called 'little boy' or other derogatory terms for both newbie or girl/Asian person. People started showing their outright hate towards me. Some I could ignore. I was called names because I don't fit in the white people's community. I was told to leave because I'm too young for a game of Magic. I was told to leave because I'm female. I was told to go home, do housework, have sex with my partner and not bother everyone with my presence (in the defence of judges, when it came down to this the players were actually disqualified from the tournament, but judge intervention was very rare). I was told that Magic is not a game for girls. I was told that I should not participate in tournaments because a girl can't be good at this game. I ignored all this because I accepted this to be the norm. It seemed everyone had the same point of view. I persevered. I played the game, had fun and had a little bit of satisfaction from beating all those people and then listening to them whine (not that I would feel good about that, but I hoped this would change things a bit in the future). They called me 'lucky bitch'. But slowly they started to understand that I actually knew how to play Magic. (note: people have problems figuring my age. At that time I could pass for 20 years old woman but some considered me 10 years old).

Later when people started to acknowledge me in a way and found out that I can actually play Magic well they started to ask me if I don't want to have sex with them, give them a blowjob or just go on date (I had no idea what a blowjob is at that time). Note that some of those people outright hated me for years. What I was supposed to say? In all the cases players asked in a very inarticulate way. I told them 'no' and asked them to leave me alone. Some of the players though started to stalk me. Some followed me everywhere I went, were sending me silly messages and tried to still fight over me somehow. Hopefully some gave up. Some sooner some later. This was very frustrating to me and I was thinking twice if I want to walk in a room full of 70 males with 20 of them trying to date me (or have sex with me). It was actually even worse than the period during which people were beating me up just because I was different or better than them at something. I'd rather be beaten in a minute and then left alone. This, even though it wasn't physically hurting me, was way worse.

One day I decided to ask the Magic Community online about this, if that happens to others and what to do. Unfortunately it turned into completely different topic (I'm not good at expressing so I could have been misunderstood). I also understand that if you haven't gone through all this you will hardly imagine this. But try to imagine yourself in such situation.

Later it turned to be a bit more 'violent'. Some players tried to grope me, those not wanting to touch my butt or boobs tried to caress/pet me. I hate it when someone touches me nowadays and it might have to do something with the fact that whenever someone touched me he either beat me up or tried to harass me. (Some players that are actually my friends experienced a punch or slap from me when they tried to tap me on my shoulder so I would turn around. Even though I usually tell everyone not to touch me, especially when I do not see the person coming, sometimes something like this happens. It is a habit. I was often attacked from behind and I learned that best defence is actually offence.)

Before nationals many players that were sitting on their rating started to come to local tournaments and I learned that those people are even more 'hateful'. These people usually weren't those that offended me before the game or during it. But those were the people who swore the most after I beat them. They couldn't cope with the fact that some 15 year old 'bitch' just beat them and cost them many points. At that time there was one player who became a very dear friend of mine. He sometimes came to one of those swearing players and told them that 'the 15 year old bitch' actually played Magic for over 10 years. Their looks were priceless and somehow situations like this helped me in coping with all the nasty remarks players usually made.

Now the situation is different. The players grew up. They are adults. Many of the players are married, have children and still have the time to participate in tournaments. But they speak like the 15 year old teenager that just wants to get laid. They still behave as they would teenagers (my point of view, I don't actually know how teenagers behave). But they are responsible for their actions and for what they say. It seems that respecting others is not something people find normal.

During the period during which I was considering quitting and selling my collection I was at one tournament and listened to the players. I usually use the term 'zoo' to describe a local tournament but that's actually far from what it is. In a zoo there may be some nasty smells, a lot of noise and many people around. But this is a small fraction of what actually I don't find right in LGS. My thoughts were interrupted by a mother with her child walking in. She went to ask the store owner if her son could possible play some Magic at some tournaments there. I did not listen to the conversation but I started to wonder if that is a good idea. The kid might have been 10 years old, totally unprepared for the lot playing the tournament I was in.

I started writing down what terms the players used and how they talked to each other and how many of the players insulted other players during one round. It was a long extensive list. That wasn't surprising but then I looked more closely to what I heard and wrote down that day.

One player told me that 'he would take it [his dick] out and start masturbating'. It is something I hear rather often and he's not the only player saying that. The players say it when they draw something good and usually it means you are dead. I don't usually care about this, I try to ignore everything as much as I can, but that day I wondered what the kid's reaction would be. What the reaction of his mother be? And then I wondered what my reaction as a woman should be. What my reaction should be when a player tells me to 'go stick my dick somewhere else?' (that usually happens when my opponent loses the game).

In my childhood I was isolated from the outside world. When I was forced to become part of it, everyone was showing me that I simply do not belong there. The people around me that I grew up with were hackers, gamers and Magic players. I do not talk like a girl, I do not write like one, I often do not look like one and I certainly do not act like one. No matter how 'girly' I am, both the fact being a girl (having girl's body) and not acting as a girl, is a problem. I just lived with it. Nowadays I'm around one other female player. She is a very kind person and I would even say that she would be quick to lash out but unfortunately she does not have a hard shell. The regular insults a female player gets here is something that can make her cry and make her feel even worse and I really wish I could help her somehow or that someone could help her so she can play Magic if she wants to. The kind of Magic she wants to play. Her stories make me very sad. She went through the same as me with the exception she did not persevere and did not get the attention as me later when people saw me at top8s at bigger tournaments and slowly started to accept me. She's not that kind of player and probably won't be able to play competitive Magic well. But she has every right to play Magic at tournament level play and enjoy it. She can go to PPTQ with her own deck and no one should be mean to her just because she did not choose a tier 1 deck. After listening to her stories I can't even imagine how people would actually react to transgender players. From time to time someone asks me on Facebook how come I have some women in my friend list. This question may sound strange to you, but is not that strange to ask considering me. Since I grew up in 100% male community and only boys were those that were actually willing to talk me if they did not want to beat me up. Actually many started to talk to me after I BEAT them up. Nevertheless I never managed to talk to girls. I do not understand girls, their behavior and girls don't have understanding for me because they consider me to be 'a boy'. That is why the question is not strange. There are actually a very high percentage of girls that were born male. I met them and befriended them when they had a male body, had a male name etc. They are the most beautiful and most powerful girls I know. Other girls are lesbians. For some reason those are the girls that often have no problem talking to me and accept me the way I am (I usually find out by accident that they are lesbian). I can't imagine any of these girls show up at Magic tournament and not run away in tears.

The male dominated environment that was not regulated lead to an environment where male players simply talk to male players. When the players talk they do in a way that they use terms or words contain vulgar words or the meaning is vulgar. All of those terms have something in common - they were never meant to be said to a woman nor a child. The players never in the history of Magic tried to accept women or young children (the game is accessible only in English, children don't usually speak it well enough to play. But this is changing.). If one of the players would say something like this to the aforementioned boy and the boy would actually ask what he means with that...I really wonder what the player would answer.

I for example had not idea about many vulgar words or terms used and I wasn't certainly someone to whom someone would talk about sex.

What else happens? People mock others and insult them in other various ways. It can start with 'buy a 'real' deck or don't show up' but it usually ends up with someone telling that person that he is an idiot because he does not know how to play the game and what he did was outright stupid. It might have been a silly play, all of us do those, but more importantly all of us started playing Magic somehow. Our budgets weren't unlimited and our skill level wasn't certainly a tournament level one from the beginning.

Players also swear just because they were unlucky or their opponent was lucky no matter how badly or well the players played. Accepting reality is also something difficult for many. I had to listen to my Burn playing opponent for 20 minutes complaining that Burn cannot win against Birthing Pod. Since I saw him play I knew that he could have won the first game if he would just played a bit differently no matter how bad or good that match up was. Postboard it gets better for me but he could have won. It came down to the situation in which I had 3 life, he had 3 lands and Rift Bolt in his hand. He suspended the bolt and let me play. I gained infinite life next turn and then listened to him complaining about him being unlucky and telling me that I did not deserve to win. That I won only because I play this damn deck. I told him that I certainly did not deserve to win the game because I was supposed to be 2-0 dead like 15 minutes ago but that he would have won the game if he would have just simply played the Rift Bolt from his hand. I don't know if he realized that he should have won the game, but he was blaming his deck for not being able to win and then started blaming me that he lost. Even if his deck was not fit to fight Birthing Pod and even if I was lucky to actually combo off he should have treated me with respect. I understand that the skill level of players is different and that we all complain. But first we should treat each other with respect. At least we should think first before we say something that can insult the other player.

The funny thing is that when talking about a deck many players actually use female gender words and the word 'slut' is not uncommon. From time to time when this happens some players actually stop, think about it a bit and then start apologizing to me that they did not meant to insult me but rather their deck (after saying 'come on slut, will you give me what I want').

But majority of the players just goes on without giving it a second thought. I really wonder how such people behave when they are not at a Magic event. How do they talk to their partners or their children? What about their workplace? Is it normal to come to your co-worker and tell him 'Hey, dickhead, what you just did is total bullshit. You should learn how to do your work or don't come to work at all'?

One more thing that is very present is arrogance. Many players here are very arrogant and think that they are the better player no matter against whom they play. Some players are actually good players, some are really bad players even in terms of being a beginners. I wonder where this comes from. I really hate it when I sit down for a match and my opponent just goes 'I will beat you 2:0'. It often ends up 0-2 for him but sometimes it does not and I lose and then I have to listen to the person telling me how right he was, because I cannot win a single match against him no matter what deck he would play with. Some people won't tell me this but just act like that and then will just tell me that I'm 'lucky and still don't know how to play'. From time to time when someone tells me something like this I tell them ok. Let's play another game. I'll pick a deck of choice and win 2-0. I usually take out Legacy deck and just brutally win. Unfortunately this does not change anything. Usually it just makes the player even more angry, resulting in more insults. But it usually means that such player storms off and leaves me alone (at least for a while).

So why I am telling you this? For the past few months I read some articles from SCG events and TCGPlayer events about bad behavior of the players towards trans players or female players. Among those articles some pros actually wrote articles of their own - noting that this kind of behavior actually happens toward male players and children as well. They are right about this actually. It is a bit different when talking about male-to-male, male-to-child behavior but the source of the problem is the same. I can see that in our community as well. Even though transgender people are the center of attention now the problem is not only in the behavior of other players just towards them. Those not being transgender should also let their voice be heard!

I tried talking to one of the store owners that I deeply respect and I was coming daily to his store. But after several incidents I learned that no matter what I try to do or express nothing will change. He is not willing to see the rotten core of everyone present. He does not understand that what he accepts as normal is not normal at all. He claims it is normal in the Magic community and no one cares about it. Everyone comes to play in the tournaments anyway. Yeah, some players do. But the there are people that are hurt by this and new players are driven away because of many factors and this behavior is one of them. I heard many players leave the tournament play scene because they did not understand the players. They couldn't talk to them as they would talk to people outside, at work, at home etc. They weren't willing to accept all the vulgarities and familiar lingo. And all they received was hate and mockery. I was actually SURPRISED that MALE players were telling me this! And when female players started to complain about what happened to them I wanted to write a long email to Wizards of the Coast. Because no matter how people hate Wizards, they actually try to protect their players from unsporting conduct, harassment and discrimination. At Wizards conferences it was one of the things they put emphasis on. They were telling us - the store owners - that we are the ones that make the rules for the local game store and that bad behavior, harassment, discrimination and racism are things that should not be tolerated. Such players should be banned from the store and that is a good thing. Because the aim is to have a healthy community that is open and welcoming to new players of all ages, races, genders/sexes etc. I don't need to say that this is the ONE thing everyone just ignored.

Thank you for reading
-S'Tsung